Understanding Your Nervous System: Polyvagal Theory, Trauma, and Attachment
Have you ever wondered why your body seems to react before your mind has time to catch up—whether it’s freezing during conflict, withdrawing from intimacy, or feeling constantly “on edge”? These responses aren’t random. They’re rooted in your nervous system, and Polyvagal Theory offers a powerful framework to understand them.
What Is Polyvagal Theory?
Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, helps explain how our autonomic nervous system responds to safety, danger, and life threat. It identifies three key states:
Ventral Vagal (Safety and Connection/ The Green Light): This is our calm, social, and regulated state. When we’re here, we feel safe, grounded, and open to connection.
Sympathetic (Mobilization/ The Yellow Light): When we perceive danger, our fight-or-flight system activates. You might feel anxious, irritable, overwhelmed, or hypervigilant.
Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown/ The Red Light): If danger feels overwhelming or inescapable, the body may shut down as a protective response. This can feel like numbness, dissociation, or deep fatigue.
These states aren’t “choices” we make. They’re automatic survival responses shaped by past experiences—especially early attachment and trauma.
Neuroception: The Nervous System’s Threat Detector
A key concept in Polyvagal Theory is Neuroception—your body’s built-in surveillance system that’s constantly scanning for cues of safety or danger, all beneath your conscious awareness.
This system is not under cognitive control. You can’t think your way into feeling safe if your nervous system is reading the environment as threatening. That’s because these responses are governed by your limbic system—the part of the brain responsible for emotion, survival, and memory—which includes the amygdala and is often referred to as the “reptilian brain.”
So when your body goes into fight, flight, or freeze, it’s literally your most primitive, survival-oriented brain kicking in. It's like trying to tell a lizard to feel safe and let you pet it—you may have calm words and good intentions, but that lizard is wired to survive, not to analyze. Similarly, your nervous system reacts automatically, without your permission or conscious reasoning.
This is why someone can logically know they’re safe, yet still feel panicked, shut down, or disconnected. It’s not irrational—it’s biology, and your body is doing exactly what it was designed to do to protect you.
How Attachment and Trauma Influence Your Nervous System
If you grew up in an environment where emotional or physical safety was inconsistent or unavailable, your nervous system may have learned to live in a heightened state of alert. Trauma—whether a single event or a prolonged experience—can shape how your body reads cues, often over-detecting threat where none exists.
It’s important to understand that trauma is not defined by the event itself, but by how the nervous system experiences and stores it. This is not a cognitive choice—every body interprets threat and safety differently based on factors like genetics, early attachment, and previous experiences. Trauma can result from situations that seem “minor” on the surface, such as being repeatedly ignored, misunderstood, or left alone while distressed. It can come from pre-verbal moments you don’t consciously remember but that shaped your body’s wiring. And it can happen even in loving families—even the most well-intentioned parents can provide inconsistent care, unintentionally sending mixed signals to a child’s developing nervous system. If your body reacts strongly to things that seem “small” or confusing, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your system adapted in the best way it knew how to keep you safe.
This impacts relationships, self-worth, and even your ability to rest. For example:
Those with anxious attachment may live in a sympathetic state, constantly scanning for signs of abandonment.
Those with avoidant attachment may slip into a dorsal vagal state, shutting down when emotional closeness feels unsafe.
These patterns are not flaws. They’re adaptations your body made to survive and protect you—and with awareness and support, they can shift!
Perceived Psychological Danger vs. Actual Threat
Your nervous system doesn’t differentiate much between real and perceived threats. A sharp tone, an unread message, or a partner turning away can trigger the same physiological cascade as a real danger. That’s why healing involves helping the body feel safe again—not just convincing the mind that it is.
Regulating Your Nervous System: Practical Exercises
The good news? You can actively support your nervous system in returning to a place of safety and connection. Here are a few simple ways to begin:
Grounding Through the Senses: Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method (five things you see, four you feel, etc.) to anchor your body in the present.
Vagus Nerve Stimulation: Humming, singing, gargling, or even gently massaging your neck can signal safety to your body.
Co-Regulation: Being near a safe person or pet, making eye contact, or even texting someone who “gets it” can help soothe the system.
Rhythmic Movement: Walking, rocking, dancing, or even swaying can regulate energy and create a calming rhythm for the nervous system.
Breathwork: Slow, deep belly breaths—especially with extended exhales—can activate the parasympathetic system and promote a sense of calm.
These aren’t quick fixes, and that’s okay. Just like a skittish animal needs time and consistency to feel safe, your nervous system needs compassion, patience, and repeated experiences of safety to learn a new way of being. For some other exercises to help regulate the nervous system, check out this handout.
The Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP)
One powerful tool I offer in my practice is the Safe and Sound Protocol, a listening-based intervention created by Dr. Stephen Porges. SSP uses filtered music to gently stimulate the vagus nerve and help shift your nervous system out of a defensive state and into a state of regulation and connection. The protocol targets the parasympathetic nervous system, helping individuals shift from a defensive state (fight, flight, or freeze) to a more regulated, safe, and connected state. As clients listen to the music, it helps retrain the nervous system to better respond to social cues, improve emotional resilience, and enhance the body’s ability to tolerate stress.
SSP can be especially helpful for those with trauma histories, sensory sensitivities, social anxieties, anxiety, Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADD or ADHD or chronic nervous system dysregulation. Many clients report feeling calmer, more emotionally balanced, and more open to connection after a course of SSP. It can also enhance the effectiveness of talk therapy and other interventions I use, including EMDR, by helping your body feel safer from the inside out.
If you’ve felt stuck in survival mode, please know you’re not broken—your body is doing what it learned to do. With the right support, you can retrain your nervous system, reclaim a sense of safety, and build secure connection with yourself and others.
If you're curious about Polyvagal-informed therapy or interested in the Safe and Sound Protocol, feel free to reach out or schedule a consultation! Your healing matters—and your nervous system deserves care and respect.
References
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. Norton & Company.
Porges, S. W. (2022). Our Polyvagal World: The New Science of Safety and Connection. Norton & Company.
Unyte (n.d.). Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) Training. Unyte. Retrieved from https://www.unyte.com/ssp-training
